300 years ago, when I was happily married, ahem, nothing instigated a couple’s fight more than the daily making of the bed. I spent my fair share of time being a stay-at-home dad when the kids were preschool age. My main duty in this position, which was the greatest, most worth-while job I’ve ever had, was to make sure the house was in order before my wife came home. This included the following two parts: Clean the house and make sure all of the kids’ toys weren’t strewn all about the house.Make the beds.
Number 2 was way more important to my wife than number 1, especially, making the marital bed. For whatever reason, in her head, this was the most fucking important thing ever. No matter what, I could never get the quilt straight enough or the fourteen extra pillows in the correct spatial dimensions. The kids could have destroyed the house during the day — pizza on the walls, DVDs and toys all over — no problem. But that fucking bed, oh boy, lookout Eric. She’d march up the stairs to …
Dirt — the bane of 1970s housewives and shag carpeting everywhere. As usual, The Old Man came to the rescue with his grasp of cutting-edge technology. Right-quick, a state-of-the-art central vacuum system was installed at the mansion — no doubt bought from Grainger. If you don’t know what a central vac system is, you have never truly lived.
A central vac system consists of a main power unit located in a basement or a storage closet, and inlet points located at various points in the house. A long hose with a floor unit is the main tool to clean with. The hose plugs into the inlet and activates the power unit. The fun ensues. The Old Woman loved her new vacuum. At first, the unit was incredibly powerful. The Old Woman could suck up debris of varying sizes. “Passing the cleaner,” as my mother called it, was a test of what could successfully go through the hose. From cereal to socks and toys, she wasn’t afraid to use that sucker for material most normal people would shy away from. Emptyin…
A central vac system consists of a main power unit located in a basement or a storage closet, and inlet points located at various points in the house. A long hose with a floor unit is the main tool to clean with. The hose plugs into the inlet and activates the power unit. The fun ensues. The Old Woman loved her new vacuum. At first, the unit was incredibly powerful. The Old Woman could suck up debris of varying sizes. “Passing the cleaner,” as my mother called it, was a test of what could successfully go through the hose. From cereal to socks and toys, she wasn’t afraid to use that sucker for material most normal people would shy away from. Emptyin…